No fear MRI

Conquering terrors of the MRI

Let me start on a positive note. A little positivity is much needed in life, especially at the times that one needs that test. I actually had a pleasant experience with it. I’m not crazy, nor did I lose my mind, nor was I unconscious.

I’ve always had a problem with my balance. Sometimes, I trip for no reason, while standing firmly on two feet. Having recently returned to Canada, I had to wait for my health benefits to be restored. Three months later , I received notice that I was clear. My doctor informed me that he would schedule a MRI exam. I dreaded that, with every ounce of my existence. Amazingly, it wasn’t bad at all.

I’ve had it done twice before. The first time was 1985, when I was in University. I was 21 at the time, and my eyes were behaving strangely. I didn’t know what to expect. They undressed me for the test, and slid me into the middle of this long tube. I immediately screamed to be released. I was only willing too undergo the test after a kind and attractive nurse promised to be by my side and talk me through the whole experience. I felt silly after a while, but at least I wasn’t alone.

I have always been rather claustrophobic. I don’t even like elevators much. This long tube envelops the entire body. Its my big head which is examined, which means I have to be put in the whole way. Nothing to be seen but metal. Nothing to be heard but loud thumps. Ironically, the first time I was so terrified of the whole experience that I don’t even remember the thumps, just the terror of being closed in.

The second time I had the pleasure of the test, I was in Malaysia. I used to have terrible migraines. I conquered them eventually by learning relaxation and deep breathing techniques, but that’s a different story. The memory of the first test was still fresh in my mind. High emotions are memories not easily forgotten. Perhaps that’s a good memory technique. This year was 1999. I knew what to expect. That made the anxiety increase. I knew what I was in for. Twenty minutes of terror.

Since 1985, Ive learned some scriptures by heart. I proceeded to read the 5 pages of sura ya sin by heart throughout the test. It takes me about 5 minutes so I read it 4 times , while fighting the fear, and on my 5TH round I was released from my “prison.” The fear was there but the verses calmed my heart. No doubt the nurses were perplexed that I was speaking to myself for 20 minutes, but I didn’t care. It was my way of coping. After it was over, I still remembered it, and it would still bother me and make me feel short of breath. Terror is truly a strong emotion.

Now to 2011.
Well, I never expected the hospital to call so quickly, but they did. Two days after I saw the doctor, they called to tell me that there had been a last minute cancellation, and they wanted me to report to the hospital immediately. This time, many things were different.

I’ve learned relaxation techniques like deep breathing. I find that if I hyperventilate, like I used to do, panic gets control of me. This time I breathed deeply. Ten seconds I inhaled, and exhaled for the same. I was still reading scriptures, but there was less terror.

I also learned visualization techniques. Basically, this means that if you don’t like the situation that you’re in, you can picture in your mind that you’re in a pleasant situation. I learned this when I attended a course on NLP or neurolinguistic programming.

I joked with the nurse that she was going to bury me alive again, and she sympathetically told me that it was not so. I was truly joking and planning my strategy all the while . I thought If I pictured a lovely ice cream sundae , since I’m very fond of those, I might feel better. I did for a short while. Some fear disappeared.

Then came the miracle. I imagined myself in two situations that I love and adore. The first was holding night prayers during the fasting month of Ramadhan. The leader or Imam always recited melodiously and his voice would touch my heart. I could hear him inside the machine. I could see myself standing in prayer. The sights and sounds were as real as if I were truly there. The MRI experience became pleasurable. I didn’t want it to end. What a miraculous transformation for me.

The second experience I recalled when I was in the machine was of my running days. I used to be a long distance runner , and 20 km was considered a pleasant jog for me. Two hours running was even manageable. Sadly gone are those days, but the memory was not. I pictured myself running through the beautiful farms of Canada. My heart was beating steadily and strongly, my breathing even, and my legs were flying across the pavement and fields. I pictured this in that machine. I felt it and missed it so much. I was there. The machine disappeared and the running became my reality. Once the test was over, I felt regretful that the two experiences, prayers and running were over.

I know many others have had or will have this test done. Perhaps, I pray , my short story will be a source of solace for them. Fear can be overcome.