train ride

Stood on a sleepy train
Late work again
With shaky tired legs
Ignoring all the din

Stared at people there
Each in their own world
With no trace eye contact
Dreams rarely unfurled

This dirty old train
It jerked and heaved a sigh
And I nearly fell
I felt the focused eyes

None offered a seat
Why should they, they were tired
With their own lives
In their affairs mired

They never thought to smile
Fear accused of weird
I defied that silence
With smile I besmeared

The city is so cold
With summer little change
Why seek I connection
Am I the one deranged

If we gave a chance
For human kindness show
Perhaps dispel the pain
Perhaps this race will grow

Ive often heard it said
Be the change you seek
Ignore their stares and laughs
And fight this spirit weak

How many friend I met
Through a smile glance
Simple word Hello
Give humanity a chance

Palestine head dress

Putting on this head dress
Brings thoughts flooding in
The feeling of cold death
Deepest pain within

The people I’ve seen scattered
Death their only end
Banished cold and homeless
Strangely welcomed friend

Have you heard a widow’s cries
Or heard the mother’s screams
Husbands infants killed in vain
Nightmare, not a dream

How many innocents must die
Why appetite for death
When will we say enough’s enough
And give this world rest

Searching

I searched for love found vain

I searched for friends found loneliness

I searched for fame found lies

And reputation found shame

I searched for smile found tears

With greyed hair and with years

Searched for mercy found grudge
Anger that won’t let go

Searched again for love
Found hate and disdain

Searched for truth found him
Mercy he showed me

Searched for peace found god
Who would never leave me


Sought humility
In honor I I did stride

Went for modesty
And saw more clear the lies

Searched for silence
In there , I found much peace

Searched for knowledge
It did reside with him

In my prayers did find
A peace and happy heart

Searched for truth
The truth its only him
This search was all to God

INNOCENSE

I cry for innocence lost
The shy child I was

I smile in that memory
With knees that were skinned

I think of girls I liked
Not brave to say hello

Think of brother dear
Whose fights we did engage

I think of parents loved
Towered now grown old

My oaths of future bright
For one was too bold

I see the children small
Who’ll grow in their own right

Who seek to make their mark
Spread wings and take flight


I think of injuries
Mostly that ive done

And seek better good days
When the battles won

Prayer of the meek

My God how can I ponder you
In stillness of the night
Only you who sees my heart
My soul so fraught with fright

In silence of the night I sit
With none to share my thoughts
Ponder on this life of mine
Disasters I have wrought

Your glory and your wonder
Will never comprehend
How dare I even mention it
Your glory never ends

My dearest lord my god glory
Complain I oh so weak
Before your wondrous majesty
I only see I’m meek

I pray to you to send to me
Of wisdom smallest trace
And lift me from these chains that bound
And guard me from disgrace

I pray to you open my heart
To that which is best
Deprive me not you pleasure
And grant me of the blessed

Inspiration

I see those ones before
Who climbed to heights unknown
Who did not know give up
Who soared above on thrones

The cancer stopped them not
In hunger they did search
To tire ailed them not
Betrayed the bounds of earth

The words to die give up
These words they did not hear
Unknown to their spirit
Surmounting every tear

How many times we failed
Brought down by these life woes
That depressed and destroyed
That constant ailing no

Those are ones who climbed
Beyond these life trials
Who never stopped for rest
Undaunted by the miles

The ones who are,who stood
Upon the shoulders great
Of heroes before them
What a wondrous fate

Oh to be like them
Follow example dear
To beat all odds to naught
And live with no more fear

No fear MRI

Conquering terrors of the MRI

Let me start on a positive note. A little positivity is much needed in life, especially at the times that one needs that test. I actually had a pleasant experience with it. I’m not crazy, nor did I lose my mind, nor was I unconscious.

I’ve always had a problem with my balance. Sometimes, I trip for no reason, while standing firmly on two feet. Having recently returned to Canada, I had to wait for my health benefits to be restored. Three months later , I received notice that I was clear. My doctor informed me that he would schedule a MRI exam. I dreaded that, with every ounce of my existence. Amazingly, it wasn’t bad at all.

I’ve had it done twice before. The first time was 1985, when I was in University. I was 21 at the time, and my eyes were behaving strangely. I didn’t know what to expect. They undressed me for the test, and slid me into the middle of this long tube. I immediately screamed to be released. I was only willing too undergo the test after a kind and attractive nurse promised to be by my side and talk me through the whole experience. I felt silly after a while, but at least I wasn’t alone.

I have always been rather claustrophobic. I don’t even like elevators much. This long tube envelops the entire body. Its my big head which is examined, which means I have to be put in the whole way. Nothing to be seen but metal. Nothing to be heard but loud thumps. Ironically, the first time I was so terrified of the whole experience that I don’t even remember the thumps, just the terror of being closed in.

The second time I had the pleasure of the test, I was in Malaysia. I used to have terrible migraines. I conquered them eventually by learning relaxation and deep breathing techniques, but that’s a different story. The memory of the first test was still fresh in my mind. High emotions are memories not easily forgotten. Perhaps that’s a good memory technique. This year was 1999. I knew what to expect. That made the anxiety increase. I knew what I was in for. Twenty minutes of terror.

Since 1985, Ive learned some scriptures by heart. I proceeded to read the 5 pages of sura ya sin by heart throughout the test. It takes me about 5 minutes so I read it 4 times , while fighting the fear, and on my 5TH round I was released from my “prison.” The fear was there but the verses calmed my heart. No doubt the nurses were perplexed that I was speaking to myself for 20 minutes, but I didn’t care. It was my way of coping. After it was over, I still remembered it, and it would still bother me and make me feel short of breath. Terror is truly a strong emotion.

Now to 2011.
Well, I never expected the hospital to call so quickly, but they did. Two days after I saw the doctor, they called to tell me that there had been a last minute cancellation, and they wanted me to report to the hospital immediately. This time, many things were different.

I’ve learned relaxation techniques like deep breathing. I find that if I hyperventilate, like I used to do, panic gets control of me. This time I breathed deeply. Ten seconds I inhaled, and exhaled for the same. I was still reading scriptures, but there was less terror.

I also learned visualization techniques. Basically, this means that if you don’t like the situation that you’re in, you can picture in your mind that you’re in a pleasant situation. I learned this when I attended a course on NLP or neurolinguistic programming.

I joked with the nurse that she was going to bury me alive again, and she sympathetically told me that it was not so. I was truly joking and planning my strategy all the while . I thought If I pictured a lovely ice cream sundae , since I’m very fond of those, I might feel better. I did for a short while. Some fear disappeared.

Then came the miracle. I imagined myself in two situations that I love and adore. The first was holding night prayers during the fasting month of Ramadhan. The leader or Imam always recited melodiously and his voice would touch my heart. I could hear him inside the machine. I could see myself standing in prayer. The sights and sounds were as real as if I were truly there. The MRI experience became pleasurable. I didn’t want it to end. What a miraculous transformation for me.

The second experience I recalled when I was in the machine was of my running days. I used to be a long distance runner , and 20 km was considered a pleasant jog for me. Two hours running was even manageable. Sadly gone are those days, but the memory was not. I pictured myself running through the beautiful farms of Canada. My heart was beating steadily and strongly, my breathing even, and my legs were flying across the pavement and fields. I pictured this in that machine. I felt it and missed it so much. I was there. The machine disappeared and the running became my reality. Once the test was over, I felt regretful that the two experiences, prayers and running were over.

I know many others have had or will have this test done. Perhaps, I pray , my short story will be a source of solace for them. Fear can be overcome.