planes

I hate planes I really do We leave those we love Parting with tears and hugs Climb to skies above Despise planes and confined space Solitary sit Hard to sleep or to stretch Like tight fitting glove These planes they climb with such great speed With time pass we grow far Below the clouds like cotton puffed And engine’s hum so loud The stewardess is of small solace Dainty beauty uniforms But achy pressure on these ears Movies don’t give grins Arrivals are of some small cheer Safely on the ground Blessed God now were safe On this dear planet round Dislike these planes enjoy the end The thrill the rise and fall Alas travel necessary grief What dread in its recall

springs rebirth

Went for longest walk
On most gorgeous spring day
Traversed many miles
Felt a joyful way

I did not feel tired
So on and on I went
With no care at all
For energy spent

And I not only one
The neighborhood of glee
No hint of biting air
No snow and no freeze

The children came out too
Playing in the parks
Walking wagging dogs
Such beauty I find stark

The neighbors I don’t know
Friendly wave hello
They willing share a smile
Lack reprehense ,aglow

And playing in the yards
Robins of red breast
That friendly hop like child
And gather for their nest

The people all in shorts
Playing with their dogs
Who bark so playfully
Morose mood discard

The birds they sing their songs
And squirrels red and black
Who seem to dance in glee
Who feel no want or lack

The beauty of this day
Like the earth reborn
With love in the air
None feel lost forlorn

The grass returned to green
And flowers they will bloom
What majesty and grace
God’s creation true

The sun descends on day
Like perfect work of art
How can I be but glad
Destroying all that’s dark
springrebirth

new day

Woke this morning with the dawn
To a quiet home
Trying not to make a sound
Here sit not alone

Arose with my half closed eyes
Joyful duty prayers
Whispered quietly no sound
Devoid of all my cares

Made a coffee piping hot
Sipped slowly not burn tongue
Do not feel any pangs
Like someone ever young

Stared outside at window dark
Before the sun its rise
With faintest hue of light blue
Beyond the pain and lies

Waited more in the dark
Reading quiet verse
Scripture glean wisdom dear
Protected from the curse

And then the day it broke
With singing of the birds
The beauty of this land I swear
Beyond the absurd

The sun glory it rose in full
Evidence the lord
And then the sleepy household rose
Who whisper quiet words

The silence then broken away
With blaring of the news
Perhaps quiet if went to bed
And hit that cursed snooze

The birds my friends have risen now
They search for food and sing
The beauty and no wind
Miracle no snow spring

Family now are all awake
Who laugh as I write verse
Perhaps I am too pensive
Blessings, not a curse

Thinking of duties ahead
My plate is not empty
The duties bear down hard
Small bubble in the sea

spring walk

Saw three birds fly
Behind a dark cloud
2 birds perched on tree
Who seemed to sing for me

met a cute white dog
Who growled loud at me
With tail wagging in joy
Her name was lizzy

Walked with all speed fast
Before the end of day
With sun setting in haste
And train blaring its call

Breathed the cool spring air
What surprise no snow
The beauty of this land
I feel will never know

Ended walk too soon
For dark it frightens me
For fear I may trip
And end with bloodied knees

Then overhead
Far in the distance clear
A jet came close to land
Moon reflected wings

The squirrels played in yard
Red and bushytailed
Searching sustenance
So small so cute and frail

And then returned to home
To rest this achy head
And sip my coffee sweet
And think of days ahead

saturday morning

Woke on strday morn
After 12 hour sleep
Except a rise for prayers
Tired eyes and tired feet

The noise in house so loud
The cleaning and the din
Had a breakfast small
Coffee with a grin

Plan the day ahead
Searching for some mails
No excitement here
Patience small avail

Had some restless dreams
Memories of the past
Some comfort I did get
And stinging scars that last

Sat in front of tube
Idiot box its true
No cerebral thoughts
Just relaxing true

Searching for a love
Don’t know if we’ll meet
Less know If I need it
Am I incomplete

My fears for days ahead
Will I end in chair
Or run a marathon
Constant fight despair

I hobble sometimes slow
And shuffle with my feet
With flu harass me
Sometimes feel so meek

With better days ahead
Always in that hope
Despair want it not
Sabr longest rope

memories

The memory invade my mind
Of times that we laughed
To see the children play
The path so smooth not rough

The times I held the child
Firmly in my arms
And fought for their defense
Protecting from all harms

The gladness in my heart
The day that they were born
Never dreamed goodbye
Sad alone forlorn

The tears of joy we shed
When they returned to health
Such small victory
More valuable than wealth

The dinners that we shared
Vacations that we went
For me love endless
That which won’t relent

How did I let this go??
Perhaps I have gone mad
In the least I’m numbed
But for the peace I’m glad

The times I did hold her
Never wished to let go
But nature takes its path
Can’t resist nor say no

If anything I have
Memories make me smile
And brighter days ahead
I’ll wait for them awhile

train ride

Stood on a sleepy train
Late work again
With shaky tired legs
Ignoring all the din

Stared at people there
Each in their own world
With no trace eye contact
Dreams rarely unfurled

This dirty old train
It jerked and heaved a sigh
And I nearly fell
I felt the focused eyes

None offered a seat
Why should they, they were tired
With their own lives
In their affairs mired

They never thought to smile
Fear accused of weird
I defied that silence
With smile I besmeared

The city is so cold
With summer little change
Why seek I connection
Am I the one deranged

If we gave a chance
For human kindness show
Perhaps dispel the pain
Perhaps this race will grow

Ive often heard it said
Be the change you seek
Ignore their stares and laughs
And fight this spirit weak

How many friend I met
Through a smile glance
Simple word Hello
Give humanity a chance

Palestine head dress

Putting on this head dress
Brings thoughts flooding in
The feeling of cold death
Deepest pain within

The people I’ve seen scattered
Death their only end
Banished cold and homeless
Strangely welcomed friend

Have you heard a widow’s cries
Or heard the mother’s screams
Husbands infants killed in vain
Nightmare, not a dream

How many innocents must die
Why appetite for death
When will we say enough’s enough
And give this world rest

Searching

I searched for love found vain

I searched for friends found loneliness

I searched for fame found lies

And reputation found shame

I searched for smile found tears

With greyed hair and with years

Searched for mercy found grudge
Anger that won’t let go

Searched again for love
Found hate and disdain

Searched for truth found him
Mercy he showed me

Searched for peace found god
Who would never leave me


Sought humility
In honor I I did stride

Went for modesty
And saw more clear the lies

Searched for silence
In there , I found much peace

Searched for knowledge
It did reside with him

In my prayers did find
A peace and happy heart

Searched for truth
The truth its only him
This search was all to God

INNOCENSE

I cry for innocence lost
The shy child I was

I smile in that memory
With knees that were skinned

I think of girls I liked
Not brave to say hello

Think of brother dear
Whose fights we did engage

I think of parents loved
Towered now grown old

My oaths of future bright
For one was too bold

I see the children small
Who’ll grow in their own right

Who seek to make their mark
Spread wings and take flight


I think of injuries
Mostly that ive done

And seek better good days
When the battles won

Prayer of the meek

My God how can I ponder you
In stillness of the night
Only you who sees my heart
My soul so fraught with fright

In silence of the night I sit
With none to share my thoughts
Ponder on this life of mine
Disasters I have wrought

Your glory and your wonder
Will never comprehend
How dare I even mention it
Your glory never ends

My dearest lord my god glory
Complain I oh so weak
Before your wondrous majesty
I only see I’m meek

I pray to you to send to me
Of wisdom smallest trace
And lift me from these chains that bound
And guard me from disgrace

I pray to you open my heart
To that which is best
Deprive me not you pleasure
And grant me of the blessed

Inspiration

I see those ones before
Who climbed to heights unknown
Who did not know give up
Who soared above on thrones

The cancer stopped them not
In hunger they did search
To tire ailed them not
Betrayed the bounds of earth

The words to die give up
These words they did not hear
Unknown to their spirit
Surmounting every tear

How many times we failed
Brought down by these life woes
That depressed and destroyed
That constant ailing no

Those are ones who climbed
Beyond these life trials
Who never stopped for rest
Undaunted by the miles

The ones who are,who stood
Upon the shoulders great
Of heroes before them
What a wondrous fate

Oh to be like them
Follow example dear
To beat all odds to naught
And live with no more fear

No fear MRI

Conquering terrors of the MRI

Let me start on a positive note. A little positivity is much needed in life, especially at the times that one needs that test. I actually had a pleasant experience with it. I’m not crazy, nor did I lose my mind, nor was I unconscious.

I’ve always had a problem with my balance. Sometimes, I trip for no reason, while standing firmly on two feet. Having recently returned to Canada, I had to wait for my health benefits to be restored. Three months later , I received notice that I was clear. My doctor informed me that he would schedule a MRI exam. I dreaded that, with every ounce of my existence. Amazingly, it wasn’t bad at all.

I’ve had it done twice before. The first time was 1985, when I was in University. I was 21 at the time, and my eyes were behaving strangely. I didn’t know what to expect. They undressed me for the test, and slid me into the middle of this long tube. I immediately screamed to be released. I was only willing too undergo the test after a kind and attractive nurse promised to be by my side and talk me through the whole experience. I felt silly after a while, but at least I wasn’t alone.

I have always been rather claustrophobic. I don’t even like elevators much. This long tube envelops the entire body. Its my big head which is examined, which means I have to be put in the whole way. Nothing to be seen but metal. Nothing to be heard but loud thumps. Ironically, the first time I was so terrified of the whole experience that I don’t even remember the thumps, just the terror of being closed in.

The second time I had the pleasure of the test, I was in Malaysia. I used to have terrible migraines. I conquered them eventually by learning relaxation and deep breathing techniques, but that’s a different story. The memory of the first test was still fresh in my mind. High emotions are memories not easily forgotten. Perhaps that’s a good memory technique. This year was 1999. I knew what to expect. That made the anxiety increase. I knew what I was in for. Twenty minutes of terror.

Since 1985, Ive learned some scriptures by heart. I proceeded to read the 5 pages of sura ya sin by heart throughout the test. It takes me about 5 minutes so I read it 4 times , while fighting the fear, and on my 5TH round I was released from my “prison.” The fear was there but the verses calmed my heart. No doubt the nurses were perplexed that I was speaking to myself for 20 minutes, but I didn’t care. It was my way of coping. After it was over, I still remembered it, and it would still bother me and make me feel short of breath. Terror is truly a strong emotion.

Now to 2011.
Well, I never expected the hospital to call so quickly, but they did. Two days after I saw the doctor, they called to tell me that there had been a last minute cancellation, and they wanted me to report to the hospital immediately. This time, many things were different.

I’ve learned relaxation techniques like deep breathing. I find that if I hyperventilate, like I used to do, panic gets control of me. This time I breathed deeply. Ten seconds I inhaled, and exhaled for the same. I was still reading scriptures, but there was less terror.

I also learned visualization techniques. Basically, this means that if you don’t like the situation that you’re in, you can picture in your mind that you’re in a pleasant situation. I learned this when I attended a course on NLP or neurolinguistic programming.

I joked with the nurse that she was going to bury me alive again, and she sympathetically told me that it was not so. I was truly joking and planning my strategy all the while . I thought If I pictured a lovely ice cream sundae , since I’m very fond of those, I might feel better. I did for a short while. Some fear disappeared.

Then came the miracle. I imagined myself in two situations that I love and adore. The first was holding night prayers during the fasting month of Ramadhan. The leader or Imam always recited melodiously and his voice would touch my heart. I could hear him inside the machine. I could see myself standing in prayer. The sights and sounds were as real as if I were truly there. The MRI experience became pleasurable. I didn’t want it to end. What a miraculous transformation for me.

The second experience I recalled when I was in the machine was of my running days. I used to be a long distance runner , and 20 km was considered a pleasant jog for me. Two hours running was even manageable. Sadly gone are those days, but the memory was not. I pictured myself running through the beautiful farms of Canada. My heart was beating steadily and strongly, my breathing even, and my legs were flying across the pavement and fields. I pictured this in that machine. I felt it and missed it so much. I was there. The machine disappeared and the running became my reality. Once the test was over, I felt regretful that the two experiences, prayers and running were over.

I know many others have had or will have this test done. Perhaps, I pray , my short story will be a source of solace for them. Fear can be overcome.

nights closing

The night it closed again
So common yet so blessed
With day that passed forever
What chance to clear a mess

Perhaps the chance to rise
But nature permits falls
Hard lessons with their knocks
But I’ll still stand tall

The silence of the night
Dark bitter and cold
Left alone with thoughts
Perhaps like man so old

My thoughts they comfort me
Many times rebuke
A coward to my self
But blessings can’t count few

Truly nights a gift
With ponderings grow wise
With no critique to fear
And no more need for lies

Prayer for new year

The night closes on year
The memories things of past
Some are dears to cherish
Others memories last

In truth this year it passed
With its share of pain
Some are things fast gone
And others still remain

The children’s face is etched
Forever in my mind
In dreams I see them still
Forever heart of mine

I look to year that’s new
With hope that better comes
With prayers blessings all
With days of warmth and sun

The new year it comes soon
With blessings and with tears
Forever a changed man
Who lived through cleansing fears

My prayer it comes soon
With blessings for all man
My prayer most sincere
Searching for Gods plan

The future comes so fast
Time waits for no one
With some fears and with hope
This multitude of man

I look to days of hope
And search for amends
Eternal optimist
Disasters meant to rend

The future holds no fear
Forever follow his plan
Again prayers dear
For brotherhood and for man